30 Apr 2007

Day 13 (I think) - Motivation returns!

Hello dear reader,

Thought I had dissapeared? No such luck mate...

Weight - 265Lbs
Exercise - went spastic on Satuday and cut half a tree to bits but let the side down Sunday and had a BBQ....red wine (ouch!)

Anyway, its like syncronicity or something (look it up yourself!) - every time I turn a television on there is some house sized human being barking at me to lose weight and generally sort my life out! Yesterday it was Steve Daly , a US Comic of ...well comic proportions. He was in the UK to seemingly state the bleeding obvious - we are fat and getting fatter and soon we will all die from slob related illnesses. Blah Blah Blah........

Not sure that there was much point to the programme other than informing me that Bolton is the fattest town in the UK. Nice!

Info on the show here if you're slightly interested

Well the weekend is over and the fat tardis appears to have been in operation as I appear to weigh what I did about a week ago mmmm...nothing to do with the burgers and red wine then...

I am in 'sorting my shit mood' - so back on the bike tonight and EVERY night from now on - I aim to be 256 Ilbs by next monday. I need to get to my first stone off to get a sense of achievement going.


27 Apr 2007

Day 10 - Memory failure.

Weight - 263.4 Ilbs.
Exercise - bike shunned again...

I really must stop doing these posts a day in arrears as I am buggered if I can remember what happened yesterday. For this reason we can rule out anything earth shattering.

I dropped off the water, I remember that! What a relief allround...

The weight keeps coming off but have had the dreaded Pitta breads and white wine tonight so could all turn to shurhight tomorrow! I will be mostly starving myself like Vicky Beckham tomorrow as the BBQ looms on Sunday - so pass the tissues and a glass of water!

Didn't ride the sodding exercise bike again tonight...must do better tomorrow.

26 Apr 2007

Day 9 - I'm drowning!

Weight - 264.2 lbs.

Exercise - 10 minutes on the medieval torture instrument (bought to you by Carl Lewis).

Yesterday seems so long ago! Sorry for the late posting today but I spent much of the day in the toilet. One whole Pound!!!
I know it's REALLY good for you to drink lots of water but it is getting really boring now.
Incongruously, I seem to be 'expending' more water than I am ingesting (sneaky bloody French probably)!

How does that work though - is my bladder in the fifth dimension or something? I drink about a 1.5 litres in 3 hours with no effect and them WHAMMO! Multiple dives to the bog to put the next fire out - like a proverbial race horse no less!

Somehow agreed to take my bike into work...Christ I must be mad!

25 Apr 2007

Day 8 - back on track.

Weight - 265.2 lbs.

Exercise - 8 minutes on the torture machine.

I know I said 15 minutes but I started to go blue after eight and without an ambulance on standby I felt it prudent to stop the torture - I didn't want to do a Tommy Simpson....

Anyway, yesterday was fairly controlled in a calorific way - during the day, cereal and fruit between meals - the choice of food at work is not helping my cause but we all have out hot cross bun to bear as they say.. loads of carbs and veg for lunch and cereal again when I got home.

The increase in water consumption is having a predictable and fairly irritating side effect - by 10 a.m. I am in full-on porcelain mode and shuttling between desk and urinal...hope this calms down soon!

Definitely must do 15 minutes on the bike tonight and henceforth until the milk providers return to their place of origin.

24 Apr 2007

Day 7 - temptation.

Weight - 266.2 lbs

Exercise - the most strenous thing I did was roll my eyes a couple of times..

Yesterday was going really well until I started watching a film in the evening (The Inside Man - painfully slow and it thought it was far cleverer than it really was, basically a crap version of The Usual Suspects) and the wife decides she's hungry - so after ram raiding the larder, the ol' bucket 'o' Pitta breads came out (you know where that got me last time)!

So, this morning I am heading in the wrong direction again. Double bugger.

MUST DO EXCERCISE - I now plan to do 15 minutes on the bike each night beofre I go to bed. Promise!

23 Apr 2007


Lats night I watched a documentary about The 'Worlds Fattest man' (not a title I particularly liked but accurate nonetheless...). Morbid obesity can so easily be turned into a freak show.

At his heaviest, Manuel Uribe weighed a staggering 1200lbs (85 stone) and has been bed ridden for the last 5 years. He is on the Zone Diet now and losing significant weight.

I still struggle to understand how anyone can get this far out of shape but I could not help admiring his obvious and genuine determination to lose weight and live an active life. An inspiration to everyone regardless of weight.

Check out more on Manuel's story here and the Zone diet here.

Day 5/6 - A game of 2 halves...

Day 5 - Weight 267.2 lbs!!

Exercise - Ran half way down the drive and back (dont laugh, it is a long drive) - result - completetly shagged and needed a pee on return. Realised I'm as fit as a dead fish.....

Weighin in this morning and Bugger! The Claret has finally caught up with me. Clearly the wine has got to go...this is a tragedy of near Greek proportions and I am not sure I will be able to cope. The loss of my beloved salt was bad enough!

Managed to survive on more Branflakes ('scuse me...) for breakfast and a National Trust sandwich for lunch (for the price, I though they included the cost of the boat to catch the bloody Tuna in the first place but tasty it was..) and finally cooked a chicken and bacon Ceasar salad in the evening.

A small increase but an increase nevertheless.


Day 6 - Weight 265.6 lbs!!

Exercise - walked for England.

Praise be - the forced marching has worked! I have dragged my family all over the county in the last couple of days in an effort to get the graph going in the right direction. I even mowed the lawn for the second weekend running - this is unheard of and should be seen as an great omen for the future for those doubters out there (you know who you are!).

Managed to dodge the exercise bike again though - slipped past when it wasn't looking. It'll never take me alive I tell you!! Never!!

21 Apr 2007

Day 4 - The day after the night before (The Branflakes strike back).

Weight - 266.6 Ilbs.

Despite a cheeky bottle of Tesco Claret and a face full of pitta breads last night, I have managed to retain the same weight as yesterday. This owes more to the 'sink plunger type powers' of my favourite breakfast cereal (Mr Kellogg, respect is due) than to any exercise regime...

Exercise, now there's a thing... there is no escaping the fact that eventually I am going to have to get sweat on (and I don't mean passing Branflake bricks in the morning).

My Tesco's Value exercise bike (how can you make an exercise bike for 35 quid - insane!) is about to get the fright of its life ('one at a time please!').

Working in Milton Keynes, I thought I had a full understanding of bland. Until, that was, I had steamed chicken.....

Just to put a cap on it, I have decided to give up salt on my food. May as well just move into an old peoples home and get ready for the day!

Anyway enough of this drivel - back to the search for Joseph - give me strength....

265 tomorrow hopefully....

20 Apr 2007

DAY 3 - falling off me!

Weight - 266.6 Ilbs.

Another loss - albeit only 0.8 pounds. ...

I need to get creative with the diet as Branflakes and fruit have certain side affects more at home in the farmyard if you know what I mean.... I think I need to drink more as well as I have a fairly constant minor headache (probably the 'wine withdrawal'!)..

I am fairly mistrustful of modern pre-packaged foods. The salt and fat content in the most seemingly healthy products can be staggering. This weekend I am going to work out a low calorie diet that gives a bit of variety and interest to an already boring task!

I will also be following Doctor Ali's weight loss programme. This is a great book that I have used before to lose weight. This is my bible and here beginneth the lesson!

Over the weekend, I will add some links to weight loss resources etc and sort some recipes out for my weight loss program.

The man speaks sense!

19 Apr 2007

'Lorra work for charity mate!'

I have decided that to keep me straight and true, I need a charity to help me focus on why I am doing this. I have been asthmatic since childhood (and unlike Bill Clinton, I regularly inhale...Salbuthamol that is...!) so I have chosen Asthma UK.

The only thing stopping me controlling my Asthma condition now is my excess weight... and as I have said, the culmination of this weight loss program will see me attempt achieve a physical feat that will hopefully even impress my three year old boy!

Towards the end of 2007 I will choose an event to allow me to raise as much money as I possibly can for Asthma UK.

Suggestions welcome....

Day 2 - Revenge of the Branflakes PT1.

First weigh-in this morning (post poo and pre breakfast obviously) and miracles of miracles 2.8lb loss! Ah...the power of the Branflakes strikes again!

I feel I need a graphical record of my intended weight loss and to keep me further motivated, I will post a picture of my (hopefully) shrinking 'pie pounch' once a week to give a lasting record of the 'ole before and after kind. I'm sure you're looking forward to that....

Kirk out.

18 Apr 2007

DAY 1 - Wake up call.


Well, it appears that the mystery of 'Who ate all the pies' is finally over - you are looking at him!

I went to the doctors yesterday and found out to my utter amazement that the reason that I am so fat is that I 'eat too much' and 'don't exercise enough'. Wow! Why didn't they tell me THAT before ???

Surely it must be somehow genetic or glandular?? Maybe I have concrete bones or something....

Anyhow - the race is on!

The long and the short of it is that I need to lose 70 pounds and I have decided to do it by 31st December 2007....

Now I need a challenge to keep up the motivation - something more interesting than a charity half Marathon I think. I'll keep you posted (no pun intended). Maybe pogo-ing up the Khyber Pass..we'll see.