31 Jul 2007

Doing the right thing is sometimes the wrong thing...

Yesterday I read a very eloquent and thought provoking post about community (or the lack of it) and it made me think about the Internet and what may be termed the 'electronic village'.

Shellys blog is the epitome of thoughtful blogging and she exemplifies the best of the Internet in terms of her ability to engender and support a virtual community spirit. I am using Shelly as a counter-point to my own experience of attempting to 'support' fellow bloggers in the 'electronic Village'.

Where Shelly is thoughtful and a good listener, never thrusting her views on others, I appear to have fallen into the habit of being an evangelical Buddhist (what a awful thought THAT is...).

My lead feet wade in with reams of advice when all that's required was maybe a sympathetic murmur and best wishes. I deeply regret this and in particular I regret a post I left on this blog post yesterday, particularly as I may have contributed to her decision to stop blogging. The reasons for regret are fairly self evident when you read her response....

The lesson today dear reader is as follows...listen, listen and then listen some more and don't assume that everyone shares your belief in Karma and positive thought. Oh, and I can be an I D I O T occasionally..

'Whatever words we utter should be chosen with care for people will hear them and be influenced by them for good or ill.' Buddha


Tigerlilly said...

First off... I am glad to hear that your bowels are on the mend!

Second, I think we all sometimes forget to watch what we say to others... as I was always told.. think what your going to say, run it through twice in your head, THEN open your mouth!

Am excited to start the challenge, let me know if you need help with anything!

Shelly Kneupper Tucker said...

I may have missed it, but I didn't read that your comment was what is stopping her from blogging...and it doesn't sound like she is going to stop blogging (just change directions).
I like to hear your positive messages. But, Sweetie, have you ever noticed that you have positive messages for everyone else---but you beat yourself up over every little thing?

This is Shelly, who never thrusts her view on anyone else (LOL). Let me tell you to just stop verbally beating up my friend Nigel. OK?

This Eclectic Life

Jenny said...

Again, so you're human? I read the post and your comment, and it read like a person who truly cared about the author of the blog. If you feel you've learned from this experience, then you're OK.

I've had several family members go through Cancer, and it's difficult, horrible and hard. Your blogger friend seems very cenetered and honest about her situation. I wish her well. I know you do, too.

Chris H said...

Don't be too hard on yourself Nigel, maybe you had an influence on her decison, and maybe not.... I think the blog she had set up did not do for her what she thought it would... I am going to find out..... cos she is very close to me and my husband... please don't stop being you....cos I know you care deeply.

The Rock Chick said...

Hi Nigel,

I certainly wouldn't beat yourself up over your comment either! I, for once, believe what you wrote is true, but (as you said) easier said than done.

I consider myself a pretty postive person in general and I don't know if it's Buddha or Karma or positive thinking or whatever you call it, but I've spent a good chunk of time during my life seeking help with anxiety, stress and panic. Unfortunately, I suffer from severe panic attacks and at one point, I did let them control what I did, where I went, etc. I was able (after a lot of work) to not let that happen any longer, but it did involve changing my thought process.

It does get better and worse at times, though, and when faced with serious issues, I, too, still have to resort to medication. I think for general day-to-day anxiety problems, yes, those can be corrected with changing the thought process. When times get tough, well, I haven't had much success with that myself, but it does certainly help a lot to keep a positive outlook.

I don't think your advice was bad at all. In fact, I think you offer great advice and you should speak up more once in a while!!! Listen to Shelly! She knows everything :)


Tigerlilly said...

I owe you an apology. I did not read the comment you left until now and I have to tell you that you did not say ANYTHING that was out of order. I think it may have just been something she was not ready to hear.

I DID have Cancer... and I totally agree with you. You control what you feel... and in doing that, you control what goes on around you. I also have to agree with her... cancer does have an effect on the mind (as do all the drugs) but you have to be willing to the possibility that YOU can actually do something to heal yourself that does not include pills/chemo/dr/surgery...etc..

Your comment was well written...nothing I would be ashamed of!

P.s... I have been cancer free for 2 years and now battling fat... hmmmmm, now that I think about it, it really isn't all that different. They both kill dont they? and ooooohhhhh those head games!

Laura N said...

Hey FBT-- I hope you are on an upswing mentally/emotionally. Sounds like you've had a rough week or so.

You know, it's a shame men aren't allowed "PMS" as an excuse because I know my husband goes through similar moody/hormonal cycles just like I do. Only mine are predictable and I know WHY I feel hopeless and miserable and out of control-- you men just get to feel like miserable sh!ts without a ready-made reason. But, PMS is all ours and you boys can't have it. ;-)

Hope you got my email with my weight. Do what you can with the challenge. It's supposed to be fun for you, too, and I think we all just wanted to connect with each other anyway-- no hard and fast rules, no pressure on you, just fun and community. So, don't beat yourself up with Should's and If Only's. We're here to have fun and be together. Good enough!

Bonita Gordita said...

No words.
Just hugs.
(hugging fatbloke)

FatBlokeThin said...

Thank you everybody for your kind words and thoughts. I feel really stupid and don''t really want to dwell on it any more.

Normal service has now been resumed!

312-50 said...

It's very easy to direct others

E20-340 said...

Nice post thanks for sharing

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