3 Jan 2008

Blogging as therapy - part #1.

Whoa...it's been a while, hasn't it? Hope eveyone is OK...

Yeah, I know - new year resolution...blah, blah, blah! I really don't believe in the new year resolution thing - it's just another day - why should we all be so much more capable of rebirth just because we got a new 'puppies of all nations' calender from the mother-in-law?

Right, let's get this out of the way. I'm bad (not Lindsey Lohan bad, but bad nevertheless) - my weight as of this morning is 254.4lbs.

I really don't want to dwell on the negative stuff, though I am REALLY quite good at it sometimes and everyone needs a hobby... but I know I have just got to get my 'she-height' together and get the weight off, so here we go again!

So diet, exercise and positive thought then - simple? Deja-vu?

I watched Kundun over Christmas and it managed to rake over the near dying embers of my Buddhist fire. I know deep down that Buddhism is for me but it feels like it is just another hurdle I have to straddle at the moment. But I know I must negotiate this hurdle as I still feel very passionately that central to my happiness (NOT WEIGHTLOSS REMEMBER) is the Buddhist philosophy and from this happiness will come the weight loss I need to heal myself.

In truth, I have been lazy. Lazy in thought and action. Too lazy to exercise, too lazy to adequately control my food & alcohol intake and too lazy to work on my mental state. This is in many ways much more annoying than the weight gain. But failure as they say, is just a fresh opportunity to improve!

I am now at ground zero again.

I have started an 11 week challange to lose weight - a battle with a colleague at work. We will weigh in once a week for the 11 weeks and the biggest loser is the winner (if you see what I mean...).

I have just deleted the word 'Pressure' as I was about to type 'Pressue of work prevents me from beginning an exercise regime. What a load of crap - I'm embarrassing myself now! I must resolve to be honest with myself. I don't exercise because I can't be arsed - no other reason!

Without radical chnage I am going nowhere. So a new start...the journey starts here!

Resolutions :-

1. Be honest with myself. I cannot be honst with anyone else until I do...

2. Exercise in a sensible, sustainable way.

3. Control my food and alcohol intake to manage my weight more effectively.

4. Learn to play the drums ... sorry, that should read, study more Buddhist teachings and try and sort my head out. Then I can learn the drums...

So, If you stray on my lawn in the near future, feel free to shout through the letter box as usual. I still have an ego you know!