3 Jan 2008

Blogging as therapy - part #1.

Whoa...it's been a while, hasn't it? Hope eveyone is OK...

Yeah, I know - new year resolution...blah, blah, blah! I really don't believe in the new year resolution thing - it's just another day - why should we all be so much more capable of rebirth just because we got a new 'puppies of all nations' calender from the mother-in-law?

Right, let's get this out of the way. I'm bad (not Lindsey Lohan bad, but bad nevertheless) - my weight as of this morning is 254.4lbs.

I really don't want to dwell on the negative stuff, though I am REALLY quite good at it sometimes and everyone needs a hobby... but I know I have just got to get my 'she-height' together and get the weight off, so here we go again!

So diet, exercise and positive thought then - simple? Deja-vu?

I watched Kundun over Christmas and it managed to rake over the near dying embers of my Buddhist fire. I know deep down that Buddhism is for me but it feels like it is just another hurdle I have to straddle at the moment. But I know I must negotiate this hurdle as I still feel very passionately that central to my happiness (NOT WEIGHTLOSS REMEMBER) is the Buddhist philosophy and from this happiness will come the weight loss I need to heal myself.

In truth, I have been lazy. Lazy in thought and action. Too lazy to exercise, too lazy to adequately control my food & alcohol intake and too lazy to work on my mental state. This is in many ways much more annoying than the weight gain. But failure as they say, is just a fresh opportunity to improve!

I am now at ground zero again.

I have started an 11 week challange to lose weight - a battle with a colleague at work. We will weigh in once a week for the 11 weeks and the biggest loser is the winner (if you see what I mean...).

I have just deleted the word 'Pressure' as I was about to type 'Pressue of work prevents me from beginning an exercise regime. What a load of crap - I'm embarrassing myself now! I must resolve to be honest with myself. I don't exercise because I can't be arsed - no other reason!

Without radical chnage I am going nowhere. So a new start...the journey starts here!


Resolutions :-

1. Be honest with myself. I cannot be honst with anyone else until I do...

2. Exercise in a sensible, sustainable way.

3. Control my food and alcohol intake to manage my weight more effectively.

4. Learn to play the drums ... sorry, that should read, study more Buddhist teachings and try and sort my head out. Then I can learn the drums...

So, If you stray on my lawn in the near future, feel free to shout through the letter box as usual. I still have an ego you know!

19 comments:

I Wanna Be Overweight said...

Well, I pretty much gave up for December. After managing to spend two weeks in India eating nothing but curry (well, almost) and drinking mostly beer, and only putting on 1lb, I managed to put on over half a stone over Christmas.

Back to the drawing board, then.

Full marks for the self assessment - I don't do New Year's resolutions. I'd always planned to get back to what I was doing once Christmas was out of the way.

But back to your post. Something that's always worked for me is to try to change one thing at a time. I think you need to decide whether it's losing weight, playing the drums, or becoming more buddhist that you really want to do, and do that first.

Then I think you need to look at that one thing, and decide why you want it. I don't want to be thinner, per se. I want to be healthier, and the fastest and easiest way for me to do that is to lose another 20lbs. I'd rather control my diet for a few months than go to a torture chamber every day or two or going running - I can't think of anything more boring (my attention span in a gym doesn't last until I'm out of breath, and I'm pretty unfit!!)

So once you know what and why, the final question is "is that the right goal".

Do you really want to play the drums, or do you just want an outlet for your passions and anxieties?

Do you really want to be a buddhist, or is your goal really to have some clear view of the world, which buddhism is the closest match. Can you pick and choose the elements that are important to you and focus on those to start with?

Chris H said...

Nice to see you back Nigel... and I love your honesty! Yes, we can all get lazy and forget the goals we really want to achieve, and make excuse after excuse why we "can't" do it.... so, finger out and on with it mate! I will be watching....

Coop said...

Just came across your blog. I too, am Buddhist.

I find that meditating is just like exercise...it takes consistent time sitting to get "better" at it, or feel like you are making progress.

Best of luck with both...your body and the Buddha.

Best,
Coop

Anonymous said...

Sometimes we needs warm words and sometimes we need a kick up the backside. Sorry, but this is the latter...

"I still feel very passionately that central to my happiness... is the Buddhist philosophy and from this happiness will come the weight loss I need to heal myself."

Come on Nigel, if you felt so passionately why haven't you done more about it?

And how do you square your current predicament with the very fine sentiments you voiced many months ago? "I am on this weight loss and fitness journey primarily for the benefit of my young son - he inspires me to do the right thing in every way imaginable."

You know what you need to do and you know the consequences of not doing it. The choice is yours and there are no real excuses.

This isn't my business is it and maybe I should just butt out, but I figure that you blog because you want some feedback and I hope you wont be offended. I sincerely hope that you do succeed because you seem a decent and honest bloke.

Have courage,

N

b said...

Since knowledge is half the battle - you should be proud you have made it this far! Confronting our weight demons is not easy, and I applaud your efforts and honesty. Best of luck to you in the new year!

Lady Rose said...

Happy Chinese New Year!

I try to approach every day as a new beginning and not get caught up in making resolutions and setting up failing... I focus on the small steps, having a plan, and making good choices every day and forgiving myself when that doesn't happen.

ebsfwan said...

Good luck. I'll be watching your results with interest. You've done the hardest thing which is deciding to change. Now just go with it!

BG said...

Hope you are doing well. Star journaling again buddy. :) It is good therapy. For you and for others.

John Pickering said...

I have just stumbled across your blog and have read a few of your posts and am now shouting through the letterbox:-
"Hey, It's the 26th Feb now.... come on give us an update"
I really hope you are making progress on your journey and wish you all the best. I'll keep coming back to see the updates.
Take care and good luck,
John

karoline said...

nigel...please make an effort to read "the power of now" and "the new earth" by ekhart tolle. i've been swallowed up by the new earth and i hear what you've said. perhaps you can find some motivation and rekindle your fire through some of his ideas...

luv and hugs to you

ps..i have had to kick my arse royally to get it to the gym mon->fri myself...sometimes it's SUCH a pain...but i know i'll feel better in the long run...

always thinking of you buddy...

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Too lazy to exercise, too lazy to adequately control my food & alcohol intake and too lazy to work on my mental state. This is in many ways much more annoying than the weight gain.

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