4 Mar 2008

Walking with my eyes shut (aka Blogging as therapy part deux)

Yes, I'm still here bumbling along the highway of life ( as the buddhist saying goes - Do not speak- unless it improves on silence!) .

My weight this morning was 246.6lbs ...so better but not exactly great.

When I was a kid I used to try and walk as far as I could with my eyes shut - only opening them when I sensed impending doom (pot holes, trees and main roads etc!). The journey was exhilarating and adrenaline producing (bear with me, I'm not one for premeditated risk taking!). I tried it again recently for no known reason and it transported me back instantly to my child hood. Spooky and exciting all at the same time - just like Scooby Doo.

But what you may ask has this to do with lardy Buddhists? Not a great deal as usual, but I have struggled to blog about my journey for a while now and it occured to me that like my 'blind walking', I need to rediscover the pure thrill of the journey rather than worrying about my lack of progress - does that make any sense?

I used to be acutely embarrased about my lack of success (weight-wise or spirituality-wise wise), to such an extent that I felt emotionally paralised and totally unable to communicate to those of you who clearly care (I am still V E R Y touched and humbled by your interest and support). I am sorry for this but now I think I finally get it - the journey is the thing, not the destination nor indeed where I am on the map at any given time.

I am not going to promote this blog as I have neither the time nor the ego but I will try and keep you updated about my journey as often as I can.

If I am meant to be thin, I will be. Every day is some small way I try to follow the Buddhist way of life - through thoughts and deeds. I fail often, the overwhelming noise of moden life sometimes intrudes so harshly that I explode but on the whole, I am happy with my progress - a good sign is that my cirmumstances haven't changed but my general feeling of wellbeing is greatly improved.

Just writing this makes me feel my journey is worthwhile. It is clearly a journey that will last for the rest of my life and it's my journey, no-one elses.