4 Mar 2008

Walking with my eyes shut (aka Blogging as therapy part deux)

Yes, I'm still here bumbling along the highway of life ( as the buddhist saying goes - Do not speak- unless it improves on silence!) .

My weight this morning was 246.6lbs ...so better but not exactly great.

When I was a kid I used to try and walk as far as I could with my eyes shut - only opening them when I sensed impending doom (pot holes, trees and main roads etc!). The journey was exhilarating and adrenaline producing (bear with me, I'm not one for premeditated risk taking!). I tried it again recently for no known reason and it transported me back instantly to my child hood. Spooky and exciting all at the same time - just like Scooby Doo.

But what you may ask has this to do with lardy Buddhists? Not a great deal as usual, but I have struggled to blog about my journey for a while now and it occured to me that like my 'blind walking', I need to rediscover the pure thrill of the journey rather than worrying about my lack of progress - does that make any sense?

I used to be acutely embarrased about my lack of success (weight-wise or spirituality-wise wise), to such an extent that I felt emotionally paralised and totally unable to communicate to those of you who clearly care (I am still V E R Y touched and humbled by your interest and support). I am sorry for this but now I think I finally get it - the journey is the thing, not the destination nor indeed where I am on the map at any given time.

I am not going to promote this blog as I have neither the time nor the ego but I will try and keep you updated about my journey as often as I can.

If I am meant to be thin, I will be. Every day is some small way I try to follow the Buddhist way of life - through thoughts and deeds. I fail often, the overwhelming noise of moden life sometimes intrudes so harshly that I explode but on the whole, I am happy with my progress - a good sign is that my cirmumstances haven't changed but my general feeling of wellbeing is greatly improved.

Just writing this makes me feel my journey is worthwhile. It is clearly a journey that will last for the rest of my life and it's my journey, no-one elses.

18 comments:

AndrewE said...

One day at a time eh.

karoline said...

by jove..i think you've got it..

((hugs))

SUNSHINE said...

Thanks for the comment. I truly appreciate after all this time that you reached out to me. I am wishing YOU the absolute best success in losing weight. I am going to TRY and start back posting again - Manie

fatboyfat said...

Glad to read you again. Step by step, and all that. Just concentrate on the next step.

john - from fat to fit said...

I know the feeling man, I just posted for the first time in awhile. Really hoping to be getting back into the pattern of posting though - it helps keep me in the game.

BG said...

One day at a time. Sometimes, for me, it is one minute at a time. Glad to see you still around, buddy. :)

Checkup Today said...

I'm sorry to have to contact you through your blog but my address book is on the outs so I would really appreciate it if you would contact me via e-mail so that I can get you added back in. Thanks!

Laura N said...

Hope you are doing well. I know life is crazy sometimes. I do enjoy your posts, so show up when you can!

Cindy154 said...

What an awesome post. The journey is all I have today and I love it, every step. Thanks for such a beautiful read.

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A biological mechanism is there in people discouraging them from walking with their eyes closed. The sensation can be defied with logic and the person can be quite convinced through the private calculations in his spatial relations that you are not about to walk into anything. The mechanism will still engage, screaming between the person's ears, peeling the person out of his skin, rattling around under the breastbone of the person, etc.

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