Walking with my eyes shut (aka Blogging as therapy part deux)

Yes, I'm still here bumbling along the highway of life ( as the buddhist saying goes - Do not speak- unless it improves on silence!) .

My weight this morning was 246.6lbs ...so better but not exactly great.

When I was a kid I used to try and walk as far as I could with my eyes shut - only opening them when I sensed impending doom (pot holes, trees and main roads etc!). The journey was exhilarating and adrenaline producing (bear with me, I'm not one for premeditated risk taking!). I tried it again recently for no known reason and it transported me back instantly to my child hood. Spooky and exciting all at the same time - just like Scooby Doo.

But what you may ask has this to do with lardy Buddhists? Not a great deal as usual, but I have struggled to blog about my journey for a while now and it occured to me that like my 'blind walking', I need to rediscover the pure thrill of the journey rather than worrying about my lack of progress - does that make any sense?

I used to be acutely embarrased about my lack of success (weight-wise or spirituality-wise wise), to such an extent that I felt emotionally paralised and totally unable to communicate to those of you who clearly care (I am still V E R Y touched and humbled by your interest and support). I am sorry for this but now I think I finally get it - the journey is the thing, not the destination nor indeed where I am on the map at any given time.

I am not going to promote this blog as I have neither the time nor the ego but I will try and keep you updated about my journey as often as I can.

If I am meant to be thin, I will be. Every day is some small way I try to follow the Buddhist way of life - through thoughts and deeds. I fail often, the overwhelming noise of moden life sometimes intrudes so harshly that I explode but on the whole, I am happy with my progress - a good sign is that my cirmumstances haven't changed but my general feeling of wellbeing is greatly improved.

Just writing this makes me feel my journey is worthwhile. It is clearly a journey that will last for the rest of my life and it's my journey, no-one elses.

Making me think - a bit like a Tesco's Value version of Bread of Life..

A welcome visitor to FBT HQ yesterday was Mrs Wibbs. She has a very interesting blog that got me thinking on many issues (anyone that can string together religion, disability and abortion in one post certainly qualifies as 'interesting'!)

She inadvertently reminded me that this blog was never intended to be just about scale readings and calories and pretty pictures, it was a way of exploring the spiritual landscape in which I live (possibly for my benefit more than others) - part of that spiritual journey was to be the continual exploration and testing of my moral framework in a religious context. I may have neglected that side of it recently...

I was born and raised Church of England - Anglican and relatively 'high church'. My profound love of music was formed through singing in a very well run church choir. Mrs Wibbs suggested that I might like to consider Christianity to solve some of my spiritual questions. To put my Buddhist leanings into context, this suggestion deserves some considered response.

With a gun to my head in a backstreet in Palestine I would probably declare my Christianity without thinking. This may be conditioning or a reflection of reality - I am not sure.

Let me get something straight, I respect anyone who has faith-based beliefs and I also respect those that chose to plough a separate unique furrow eschewing all religions. I believe in pluralism and the essential basic freedoms of life but I am concerned at the way many religions attempt to create a hierarchy of religions (usually with theirs on top it seems...). This need to feel superior and cloaked in rightness does nothing to foster love and compassion in the world - that is not to say that many religions and many religious people do not make major positive changes to peoples lives.

The reason i am looking to Buddhism for guidance is not that I need help, it's that I want to help others! To help others I need to be at peace with myself and Buddhism encourages students to question and doubt it's basic precepts and absorb and utilise the parts that they need. There is no Bible as such - its an internal moral system and this is what attracts me. I have always felt that the only church I need is the one inside me head and Buddhism is starting to give me the tools to build that church. Does that make sense? I will never try to 'sell' Buddhism to you or anyone else - this is right for me and I would not be presumptive to think that it may be right for someone else. A major part of the joy of Buddhism is the internal journey to discover the Dharma..this is unique I think.

I came across an interesting e-book recently about modern western Buddhism written by Ven Thubten Chodron which re-ignited my interest in Buddhism. It is entitled Transforming Our Daily Activities and can be viewed as a .pdf here. The book deals with the practicalities of living a modern life with Buddhist principles. I recommend it.

HH the Dalai Lama summed up this situation very well (as usual I find)...

I have come to the conclusion that whether or not a person is a religious believer does not matter. Far more important is that they be a good human being.

Right, getting back to the specific post that caught my attention, it dealt with the highly emotive issues of elective abortion for reasons of disability, in this case Downs Syndrome. It is exactly the sort of subject that gets to the root of my internal discussions (no...I am not talking to myself...yet!).


This is an extract of her post:-

As most of you know by now, our middle son Thomas has Downs Syndrome.

This is one of God's most wonderful gifts to us, and the more we discover who he is, the more he amazes us. We would not be without him, and have never resented God for giving us a child with disabilities, because our lives have been enriched and improved by him.

When we found out Tom had DS (about 2 months after his birth), we were temporarily 'floored'. I cannot deny the shock and grief we felt, and the first 48 hours after the diagnosis were very dark. But very quickly, we knew we had no choice but to embrace this as God's will, and accept that Thomas was a child 'with a difference'!

Today, after 4 1/2 years of having Tom in our lives, I am astonished, sad, and oh so angry, by the number of pregnancies terminated after a diagnosis of (potential or confirmed) Downs Syndrome ...!!

This is the comment that I left in response :-

My wife suffered several miscarriages (prior to our beautiful son being born).

During the early stages of the final pregnancy, we were offered the usual tests etc and were told there would be some risks involved. We both instinctively knew that whatever happened we would love our child without reservation so decided not to have any tests as the outcome was irrelevant, why take any added risks?

Our son was born without problems and is a healthy 4 year old boy but I would love him no less if this was not the case. Abortion is such an emotive subject and my views on it are in a state of flux (along with many others) as I slowly search for a spiritual framework - I am studying Buddhism.

I believe in fundamental personal freedom but I also believe in mindfulness and the removal of suffering. Abortions happen for many reasons and I struggle to be able to view it in a black/white yes/no type argument.

I FEEL that a woman should decide but I am also desperately saddened by the throw-away society we live in where career or other circumstances can allow us to make such awesome decisions.

One final thing, it does take courage to unreservedly love a child with disabilities, you have it in spades, not everyone does..

This moral dichotomy is typical of my ongoing struggles with where I am spiritually. I have explored this many times before, like here. I feel I am at an intellectual crossroads as well in some way as so many of my beliefs are being challenged by my attempt to think of things in a different way.

The central precepts of Buddhism deal with compassion and mindfulness - neither of which can help in any way to to justify abortion but I find it hard to interpret these types of issues with black/white certainty. I wish I could in some ways because it would be much easier to deal with and allow me to get on with others things! But I think this would be an intellectual cop-out...

This is not meant to be argumentative but I would be interested to know what you all think about this - are moral questions such as these ever really black/white or do we need to accept some greyness at a necessary part of free expression and if so, where is that line to be drawn? A lot of questions, I know but interesting nevertheless...

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Today is Thursday and usually you would find a Thursday 13 post of some sort but I have decided to stop contributing to this meme. I am unable to post to a standard that I think it should be. The time I have available to blog leaves me unable to contribute to memes and consider all the other aspects of this blog.

This is not snobbery - I will continue to contribute to Wordless Wednesday with some (hopefully) arresting photographs (trust me, there are some good ones coming up!).

*If you want to know what the title is all about - check this out (note the comment spat! Yee ha! Looks like I need to get a Thesaurus for Christmas! I'd always rather be happy than clever...what about you?)

Zen and the art of wing-mirror fitting....

Good afternoon dear reader,

I have just spent the best part of an hour and a half (and nearly 30 quid) purchasing and fitting a new wing mirror glass for my Land Rover Discovery. The reason I had to purchase and fit this part has everything to do with physics and NOTHING to do with my driving (which is awe-inspiring at all times) - i.e the inability of 3 objects to pass each other in a space that is less than equal to the sum of the 3 objects width (woah..make sense anyone???!)

Anyway, I spent nearly an hour at the dealer just trying to fit the ******* thing. At one point I became so exasperated that I was howling with laughter and swearing like a complete and utter fool! Sadly I didn't notice the salesman (with prospective customer) standing over my right shoulder admiring the latest Freelander....another sale down this month!

The ability to laugh in times of adversity (no matter how trivial, HEY - it seemed important at the time OK?!) is a great strength and I became more relaxed after that and following a deep breath I managed to fit the offending part and get on my way (there was the small matter of coaxing a LR technician from his coffee cup to offer assistance - did I mention that?)

It was a virtuoso lesson in 'less is more' - the swearing, grunting and crashing around was replaced with a deep breath, a set of instructions and a guiding hand.

Drum roll please......(point coming up).

As an allegory, this maybe shows us that any sort of journey we undertake, whether it be physical, mental or even technical (?!) can be achieved though a healthy mixture of good humour , application and a little bit of help and encouragement!

Here endeth the lesson (and no I haven't told the bloke I knocked his wing mirror off - he shouldn't park his poxy van in the middle of the bloody road now should he?! - not very Buddhist is it?)

Quid n. slang for one unit of currency, the Pound.

Poxy - Adj. Rubbishy, crass, of poor quality.